Some dude from yahoo answers had a cool question. Now, its obvious he hasnt taken my secret quiz, but ignore that, and focus on his question, and how I answer it.
Question:
Unfortunately have the “nice guy” syndrome. Shall i stop being nice(Not become rude, but just sop being nice)?
here is the kinda guy i am
” a guy who will listen to his female friend’s every complaint, rant, problem, and experience in life; will help them out no matter to the cost to them; would die for their friends without even thinking; . All their female friends will continue to go out with mindless, stupid assholes that treat them like ****, and hurt them over and over again, never even considering the nice guy, because of his “normal” physical appearance ”
I Have always wondered why all my relationships won’t work.. But today i found out that its because of the nice guy syndrome… I am thinking about changing and become a neutral or sometimes a mean person.. And i will do it.. I know a its a nice personality i have… But all i got from that personality is being hurt and worries.. So i dont think i got nothing to lose, if i still become treated the same being a mean person…
plus i feel like being nice,caring and giving is not the real me, Even tho i have been doing that for years, but i don kno why i keep doing it, may be i am just used to it…my inside keeps on telling me that its not the real me, so today i am gonna try to accept my inside and not be the kinda nice guy i think i am, and see what happens.. here is an example…
My friend (this girl i love)— asked me last time ” if she can stay at my room until she finds a place to stay because she broke up with her boyfriend”
I said,Okay–,, My reasons?.. she is my friend, i love her, I feel like i have to be there when she needs me like always, it might be a chance for me to make something happen, I ain got nothing to lose by letting anyone to stay in my room for few days but it would mean some thing to that person.
But my mind was telling me — , don let her stay in your room, she will end up giving you worries, tell her **** off, and you dont care if she ain got no place to stay,,
but i finally decided to let her stay in my room for few days, just for the sake of staying the same nice person i was and being there for her, and she ended up giving me stress and worries in those few days..
so if it was to day,, i will listen to my mind and tell her ” look, i am not your boyfriend, i wont let you in my room, and whatever stiuation you are in is not my buisness, the only reason that i might let you in my room is just in case something good happens between me and you, but i dont think so, if it didnt happen all these years i’ve known you, it wont happen now : so fack off, you are not getting into my room”,,, i know this would be a rude response, but this is what my mind Was telling me…
so what i am saying is that i think i am a nice guy, but thats not the real personality i have in my deepest mind… i think i have been acting nice all these years just to get recognition and seems like am used to that personality,, but that is not my real personality…
Plus, I dont know why but it seems like EVERYONE find it easy to disrespect me.. I know its not good to compare myself with others but it seems like people find it easy and okay to disrespect me once they know me, but not others who are not nice.. I have noticed this in many different ways. Ithink its because of that nice personality of mine, that everyone i meet start disrespecting me once the know me..i fell like if i don’t do any thing for the sake of people and stay limited to myself no body will find it easy to disrespect me or treat me less than others…i really want to know why? is it because i am making myself available too much? how do i draw lines? or make people understand that i am not being fool when i help them?
so don’t you think i have to change and be the real me and never do anything nice to people when i can even tho i ain got nothin to lose? seriously, why? why do something nice, when its not ur business? just stay to your self and don harm anyone…i mean i dont ever want to become mean or rude, but i just want to stay to myself and do what is good for me and not care about anyone’s problem if it is not my fault… i wonder if it is going to work?
.
My answer:
It’s not that easy to stop being a nice guy. You have it mastered over all these years. I was in the same situation like you.
I recommend you read about it and research it. There are many articles and products on the internet that talk about this ongoing issue.
Go and search about being successful with women and being more confident. But be careful. You will be offered to buy a lot of products from the seduction community. You don’t need any of them. What is free is enough.
I wish I could give you the answer in this question, but the truth is that it will take you years to break out of the nice guy syndrome. So be prepared to work in order to get rid of it. No quick fixes available.
{ 10 comments }