Some dude from yahoo answers had a cool question. Now, its obvious he hasnt taken my secret quiz, but ignore that, and focus on his question, and how I answer it.
Question:
Im tired of playing the nice guy and being stepped on. How do i act like the not nice guy? Well, im a nice guy and i have gotten walked on passed over one too many times. I don’t want to be an a-hole but what techniques do the not nice guys do, that i can use in my repertoire so i can stop being walked over and put in the friend zone.
My answer:
I was in the same situation as you many years ago. It’s good that you don’t want to become a jerk, because many nice guys take that direction after years of frustration.
Here is some bad news. You cannot stop being a nice guy just with some techniques. This is a process that’s going to take years to unlearn. Anyone who says differently is trying to scam you to buy their product or method.
Since there is so much to tell and I can’t change you through this post, let me give you suggestions on where to start. Go to google and write “datinggroundwork” and “succeed socially”. Study the second website especially well. They are both from the same author, who spent years developing confidence.
Just be careful of the people who want to get you to buy something from them. Those two websites are all you need for at least 1-2 years.
{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }
Girls like nice guys.
so you want to be mean? if you want to be mean then don’t say hi/hello to anyone be stubborn and let them say it instead of you. or you could even ignore them. be straight forward and don’t say things in a nice way.
but i personally love nice guys (;
Have confidence…but dont be overly confident because then youll be seen somewhat as a jerk…but dont let others tell you what to do and speak your mind and as long as you do that you should see you true self and so should others………..hope i didnt sound confusing…good luck with life^^
You don’t have to be an A-hole, just act like stuff doesn’t bother you, and to avoid the friend zone don’t let any girls talk to you about other guys and make sure you make it known that you like them…. and that will improve things 100% I’m sure
sorry that youve been walked on; we all have. personally i think you should stay nice cause not nice have no respect. if you wanna be like that just be a jerk i guess. but you SHOULDNT do it
I know how all guys get confused by how all the hot girls date these a**holes… but to be honest, I don’t know one girl that doesn’t want a nice guy! Just be yourself , I know it sounds lame but… Maybe just be more assertive. No need to change your ways for girls.. If you have more than friend feelings for a girl, STEP UP. tell her upfront so she doesn’t put you in that “friend zone”. Dating isn’t easy, it takes time, but if you tell a girl you feel.. She might feel the same way
good luck man
Remember these things:
1. It’s OK to be selfish. All human beings are selfish. And if anyone tells you different they’re lying through their teeth. This doesn’t mean we don’t ever do things to help others. But it does mean we do them because we WANT to do them.
2. Your life is your own and you can do what you want with it. You can spend the rest of your life counting grains of sand on the beach if you want. You don’t owe anybody anything.
3. There’s no such thing as a bad feeling. Actions have real world consequences. But no feeling you have makes you a bad person.
Nice guys may consider people who think this way as#$%les. But it’s really the only sane way for a real human being to live. Nice guys have been taught to believe that it’s not OK to want anything for themselves, and that life is all about obligation, not for fulfilling one’s own happiness.
Nice guys typically have/had domineering, emotionally distant mothers. And end up seeking out domineering, emotionally distant females for mates. It’s their low self-esteem telling them they don’t deserve to be treated well, along with being terrified of getting close along with familiarity and other reasons that keep them coming back for more.
Working on self-esteem is the way out, learning about yourself, the good the bad and the ugly, and being OK with it. When you do this, you’ll stop hating yourself. You’ll come to believe you deserve to be treated well. And you’ll naturally be drawn to people that do this.