Some girl from yahoo answers had a cool question. Now, its obvious she hasnt taken my secret quiz, but ignore that, and focus on her question, and how I answer it.
Question:
Do nice guys finish last because they become the friend first? i was thinking about how “nice” guys always complain that girls want the bad boys instead of them.
1. not all of us want bad boys.
2. is the problem being that the nice guy becomes friends first, and when he tells how he feels, its too late, and she has the image of “brotherly” love for the dude?
My answer:
Yes girl, you got it! His problem is that he never shows any sexual confidence and acts as a brotherly friend from the beginning.
He is extremely nice from the beginning. He doesn’t go for what he want (sex). After a lot of time passes, he verbally explains to the woman that he likes her, providing that he has the courage to do even that. After that, he starts hating women and being resentful and revengeful.
Most women can’t help themselves here. They already feel only friendship toward the guy. It’s not a conscious choice women make. It’s just nature taking place.
And yes, nice guys do not lose because they are not bad boys. They lose because they don’t show any confidence and sexual determination with women at all.
{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }
Ya mistakes nice guys made were becoming friends first.
My major problem was when I was a nice guy, was that I never showed my sexual interests, because I never had sexual interest to begin with. The girl just grew on me, and then I developed feelings, and by then it was way to late.
So now I just show interest in less than 1 minute of talking to a girl that I am attracted to, and only make friends with girls that I already slept with. I can’t be friends with a girl I haven’t slept with.
Yeah, that’s the problem. And you were very right in putting brotherly in inverted commas.
It has to do with “Killer instinct.” Nice guys don’t have it.
1. You’re a girl, you don’t KNOW what you want. So you’ll probably disagree with the rest, too.
2. It’s mostly to do with wanting what you can’t get, and since guys usually can’t be subtle with their feelings, even if they don’t say anything, the girl subconsciously picks it up due to behavior, and starts pushing the nice guy away. And in turn, going for the guy that pulls her hair, etc..
Bad boys tend to be witty and fun and usually know how to flirt up a storm. There is something exciting about the wild or the better-avoided or the spark. Falling for a bad boy doesn’t really require you using your head, but falling for a good guy is usually a combination of heart, hormones AND your brain.
You don’t want to marry the bad boy – we all want to marry the good guys.
It’s all about the age really. When you are young douches get the girl because they fulfill a foolish miss concept of passion in the girls eye(very romeo and juliet. Good play, terrible experience to live (THEY BOTH DIE)) When you are older the nice guy gets the girl because he is the a real man that is willing to stay by you through thick and thin.
Nice boys finish last, nice men get the woman they never did get when they were young.
Nice guys don’t always finish last, but those who feel like they are often overlooked are frequently guilty of the behavior you describe. Another issue is that they are often less aggressive than the ‘bad boy’s so they get less attention in general. When two good looking people are present, but one is talking, engaging others in conversation, making jokes and generally getting attention (but not being obnoxious), the other person will tend to be virtually invisible. That’s often what happens with these good guys…they are less likely to take the initiative, and then later complain that girls don’t like them.
If more of them were confident and go-getters, they’d get better results. Even the bad boys don’t always get what they want…they just tend to not let it bother them.
I’ve never related to #2
I know one of those “nice” guys i think. I think the real problem is they are just not asertive enough, and don’t play dirty. I think they are totally wrong for blaming it on girls “liking bad boys”.
This particular guy i probably would have cheated on my partner with, but he wouln’t have a bit of it, he respected my relationship too much. It was probbaly for the best, my partener and i are made for each other, just lust blinded me for a while. So he missid out on a fling there, but it was probably for the best. Bad boys probably have more flings, but probably get as much rtouble as they dish out.
Despite this experience, he still blaimed his being single on “girls like bastards”. He had a friend he had known for years and asked her out, he got the “i like you as a brother” response. Which i think was a twist on the truth. I had coffee with this girl a little while later (he’d told me aboutasking her out but she didn’t know he had). It was when i was considerring cheating on my partner with him. Her reaction to my lusing after him was “why him, i mean he’s nice and all, but not like that…” or something like that. I don’t think being a friend was his problem there.B ut maybe a “bad boy” would have got a “no way, mate!” if there was a similar lack of chemistry.
Recently he asked out another old friend and she went for it, it seems to be going well. I don’t think being friends with them too long was at all part of his problem.
I think good boys miss out on a few messy flings, mostly by choice, a few things that may have worked cos they’re shy, and i think they get a few too many confusingly polite knock-backs because girls don’t want to hurt their feelings which skew their perception.
I think the “girls like bad boys” and the “love you as a brother” effect are both rubbish.