Here’s a question from a girl at YahooAnswers. You can see how I answer her ignorant question about guys, or go straight to the secret quiz for guys, that helps nice guys get women.
Question:
I know a few guys who used to be really sweet and nice, but for some reason, they turned into jerks. I liked a few of them, but none of them ever asked me out. What is going on here? *scratches her head*
My quick answer to this question:
I’m running another question from a girl, just so you see how clueless girls are about nice-guys. Let me answer her:
What is going on here? Its the 21st century girl!! What the HECK are you doing waiting around waiting to be asked out? If you like a guy, YOU go and ask HIM out.
Why do an increasing number of nice-guys turn jerks? Because no matter what you say, people wise-up eventually. No matter how many times girls say they “like nice guys”… People aren’t blind, they see what happens in the real world. They see that being a nice-guy means being passed over by women.
Now, on this site I don’t advocate becoming a jerk. There is a middle-ground, where you’re neither a jerk, nor a whiny submissive nice guy. This is what I propose. But I will be honest, and say that even though being a jerk isn’t ideal, it still works 10 times better than being a nice guy.
If you want guys to stop turning into jerks, start rewarding nice behaviour. You ASK THEM out.
That answers her question (or of whatever girl stumbles into here)…
{ 34 comments… read them below or add one }
Called supply and demand.
Most women don’t like nice guys.
Guys notice this, and change their ways for the better. (For them anyway)
Why didn’t you ask a nice guy out? You need to learn that good/ nice guys protect themselves from bad women, so they don’t ask out much.
You need to pounce girl !!!
Good luck!
Lol, there are at least three girls here who answered “all guys are idiots.” Well at least there’s no sexism here, sheesh.
To answer the question, women…almost across the board…are more attracted to traits of “jerks” than they are to traits of “nice guys”. Not because they choose to be (attraction is NOT a choice), but because they are biologically hardwired to seek traits in men that are common amongst jerks. The saying “nice guys finish last” didn’t come about for no reason!
So, this whole principle has lead to a whole new subculture of “pick up artists”, aka PUAs (do a google search), who are a bunch of frustrated nice guys who have done everything their whole lives to try to attract women but have fallen flat on their faces time and time again because women just aren’t attracted to their “niceness”, because to most women, niceness equates to wussiness. So in desperation to gain more respect from women, they have learned the ways of the PUAs and have tried to emulate their tactics (that is, to adopt those same traits that are common amongst jerks that women are attracted to). Why? Because it works.
A sad state of affairs? Definitely.
But in the end it’s all about biologically hardwired social dynamics.
Well I had friends who were really cool and sweet to girls but as time passed they changed. They started hanging out with the wrong people and started thinking and talkting to and about girls in wrong ways. Since i didnt think the same way as they did they made fun of me and now im pretty much a loner lol. I still have some cool friends that any girl would be lucky to have, its just that most girls dont really go for the good boy, they go for the hot trouble maker. Thats why guys like us start off nice and sweet and innocent and sadly end up messed up.
I warned you,I told you what would happen if you pushed nice guys too far but you didn’t listen.nice guys are sick of all the bs from you women,told you all that this was going to happen,nice guys are either becoming the so call bad boys that you women love or just living alone forever.but what do you care isn’t this what you women want?
Well maybe because my guy friends are really sweet all the time and I tell them not to be as sweet because it gets annoying and they take it as a reason to be jerks. Also because a lot of popular guys that get girls are jerks and guys think they should act like them to get more girls.
Well… men tend to think with their “you know what” most of the time thats number one. Number two is that woman aren’t helping the situation. You have these girls that just throw themselves at men. So ofcourse.. guys in turn live off of the one night stands and push off loyalty and faithfulness. They would rather keep the cow at home and go out for the milk left at the door too.
The problem rests on both sides:
The no brained men and the ready and willing woman that throw themselves at Tom, Richard and Harry.
ITS DISGUSTING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! No morals, no class, no respect for themselves or others!!!! This is why every other person you meet on the street is infected with HIV!
I’m in the same situation. I think nice guys change themselves because they been told by articles on Yahoo! that bad guys always get the girls and, there right. I like this girl who is attracted to this bad guy. I guess were also sick of being walked all over.
Because girls are into the bad boy type of thing so as a teenager most guys turn into what they think girls want which if you’ve ever noticed there are tons of girls out there dating assholes and they always forgive them and let them come back
Because they are fustrated of girls rejecting them so they turn to being jerks in hoping to get girls. Those who stay true to their hearts and dreams will in turn get success.
Maybe cause they got tired of being walked on/ not appreciated for being nice guys.
SAMMIE’s got it right.
I don’t know… why are good girls becoming sl*ts???
A sign of the times, maybe???
we all have our breaking points. Nice guys are only nice because they are weak. once they are not weak, once they know what power they have there is no more reason to be subserviant or “nice” anymore. Start giving me a little confidence and i’ll realize that you are a dumb who** and i could do better if i just opened up and wasn’t so shy and insecure.
I don’t mean YOU you but a general you.
Guys will be guys, and guys are idiots, they probably changed cause they like/liked a girl who like/liked jerks, fo real though that’s to bad, sweet/nice guys are suppose to stay that way. Sorry to here that lol……
~Just keepin it reall! ;D
Listen—–you dont know anything——-girls LIKE nice guys—-ok —-do not turn into assholes because u think girls dont like nice guys —-you are completely wrong –I HATE ASSHOLES and have had my fair share of assholes and i can tell you right now– i like nice guys i always tried to change my asshole bf;s into nice guys –but it was an impossible task –you guys need to just start asking girls out even if youre shy — just do it
All I know from past experiences are that women are social workers. If you’re a screwed up with a lot of hidden problems, you’re a plus. Women will be all over trying to “convert” you into a nice guy. It gives them something to do, ya know? There’s nothing exciting about being with a nice guy that treats her good all the time.
Listen. YOU don’t know anything. It has always been this way. Women say they like nice guys, but it’s always been a bunch of horse shit. I know because I myself was a nice guy. I myself was a gentleman and I did *EVERYTHING* just for the sake of being a great person. What happened? Women happened. I was always passed up. Me and all of my other friends who were also gentlemen. The only people who appreciated us were old people and babies. So I said screw that.
I became a jerk. I started insulting i started laughing at mistakes. I became a jerk and now I have a different girl every month! Girls don’t know what the hell they want. Never have, never will until they turn 36 and finally pull their ignorant heads out of their asses. The Jerk is the way of the future. The gentleman will always be laughed at, scarred, pissed on and left alone to rot in maddening loneliness.
Nice guys do get laid. They just need a bit of confidence, or if they lack confidence Dutch courage helps.
works for me.
DAMN, crash of decade, you are so fuckin RIGHT !!!!
It’s rare that the nice guy get the girl. Girls will say they want nice guys, but their actions say differently. Women are more attracted to guys who don’t base their lives around them aka needy guys. Guys need to stop being nice and just be themselves. If a girl pisses you off, don’t let her get away with it, tell her. All in all, girls want boys, and REAL women want men; furthermore, I’m extremely lucky to have a hot little woman and not a little girl who plays games and is all talk.
I think it goes both ways. nice guys want nice girls, but only if they have the body of a photo shopped playboy bunny or like sports or like a particular band – just kind of like put together specifically (almost like the movie weird science). Good girls want nice guys with attitude and bite, but gentle but tough. I think as we get older, after kissing a couple of toads, we become wiser and see the true beauty and essence behind a person’s “persona” or exterior features. Not to say that every unattractive person is the nice one, but I think instead of wanting a chris evans looking guy, we might settle for a little geeky dude, or instead of wanting a girl with a size DD, we might end up dating “the girl next door” and a B cup. Being in high school, we are underdeveloped and most haven’t even experience anything about the world yet. dating in high school, dating in college, and dating in your elder years are all different because we are experiencing different wants and needs during those times. I think it’s fair to say that we all have stories of friend and ourselves of dating “jerks”. Why can’t we just not like “jerks”? There are both guys and girls who are jerks. Just stay away from them.
Women try to be something they’re not. This started with all the womens rights crap and the feminist movements. It was a movement to give man’s rights to women, even though most women aren’t designed to deal with the responsibility of these rights. Feminism caused women to forget that they’re designed to be caregivers rather than providers. Men are designed to do the heavy lifting and fight off the bad guys, but women wanted the right to do that too. Now that they have that right they need an even more manly man to top what they’ve become. Essentially, I think feminism has killed femininity. Women’s actions and talk has become more like man’s, but they’re not designed to back it up. Their thoughts are more like man’s, but their anatomy tells them to be the way they’re made to be. This has caused some women to be confused, and others to demand jerks.
What a horribly unfair and one-sided game! What sane man would go through ANY of this?
Simply put, this could be a by-product of the femiNAZI movement, the effemination of men, stuff like that. Girls do want ‘edgy’ guys, but will tire of that. Most girls grow up. Others don’t. Sad fact, lots of the girls some of you HS and college (uni for the Euros) guys want and pine over will still be there… as jumpoffs, bitter, angry, hate-filled… This is the time for the ‘nice guy’ to develop his life, his interior. This is NOT the time to pine over girls who hate you, those who despise the fact that you are a right-thinking guy who ISN’T some drugged-up fool who can score her her next dubsack… Take it from a guy who knows and who has been through the wringer on this subject… I been where you are… it takes intestinal fortitude to become what you KNOW you can be, rather than settling to do what everyone else does. It takes guts to stand your ground and to be yourself, representing YOU to the fullest (now THAT’S keepin it real), no matter what the hottest trend is. Women want a man who can stand firm in the face of adversity.. these so-called bad boys are so effin soft, it’s a wonder why girls chase after them at all… Take it from a guy who just got his dreamgirl (after years of struggling, crying, bad advice, etc)… take it from a guy who is doing something with his life… that’s something else women LOVE- a man who is doingsomething with his life… and a real man damn sure ain’t pandering to a woman. BELIEVE THAT… I know how hard it is to break outta that… I know for sure… Dating is rough… I married a nice girl (I mean the quintessential nice girl)… she is PERFECT for me… We are very very happy… and I wanna let all the nice guys out there know that if you just stay who you are, be true to that, and disregard all the ‘nice guys finish last’ crap, you WILL COME OUT ON TOP! My younger brother, who is a ‘player’… is on his 3rd marriage, and is generally a POS… Why change who you are to satisfy a fleeting thing? Why? Why be all hung up on this? Yall nice guys need to quit this crap… be yourself… do something in life… in time, you will get to have the last laugh, as I am… you will get to reject the ones who rejected you, as I am… funny how most women don’t give a damn about the man in a relationship- they just wanna cause the other woman some pain… refuse to be a pawn… refuse to take ANY shit from anyone… I know all this stuff b/c i have lived it! Never be satisfied… never be satisfied, yall…
Well said Mike James I agree with you. Don’t give up on girls because there is one bad apple throw those bad apples away and don’t let them slow you down move on and be yourself in the end they will lose while you get to laugh. I’m glad I’m a nice guy who makes good smart decisions because I know I will win in the end.
One thing I can say, CScott, is that you have to decide to be happy. Pining over females who are shallow, self-absorbed and dumb will never win them over to you or make your life better. There’s a reason why lots of these chicks end up the way they do. Like I did say last month, I BEEN THERE. I’m in my 30s now (turned 34 in March), so I know I am a qualified man to tell everyone how it is… Guys believe all this nonsense that they have to be an asshole to get girls… Well, if you’re looking for a one-night stand, yes… The quality girls aren’t so easy. It’s been said that the quality girls are like apples… goota go up the tree to get em (which takes work). Also, the past 3, 4 generations of men/boys have been taught to behave like women, which never works. The solution is easy. Be yourself, refuse to be put upon by anyone, and refuse to settle for anything less than what you want in life. Let those girls who pass you over live their lives. I guarandamntee you they ain’t thinkng about you. So why give any thought to them?
jose October 21, 2010 at 11:19 pm
Nice guys do get laid. They just need a bit of confidence, or if they lack confidence Dutch courage helps.
The classic retort from someone who doesn’t get it. The nice guy asks why women don’t want him because he can’t figure out why. He obviously has the confidence to come to the conclusion that as he is, there is no reason for a woman to not want him (which is usually true). He has seen women date guys who have an extreme amount of fake confidence that women confuse for real confidence, and starts to adjust. Eventually, he says the only thing wrong with him is that women think he deserves to be alone, and he knows that isn’t true, so he changes into an asshole and finds women are now much more attracted to him. It’s called behavior modification. It is very powerful, and very, VERY easily explained.
Behavior Modification. Ok… Now, deep down, all men WANT someone to love them… especially the BETAs among us. Also, we men DO have a conscience… not all the jaded noce guys are gonna turn into a ‘player’, mimicking actions by players to get some action. Seriously, it is a point of view, but it’s flawed. I dare say that ‘the nice guy’ really should view to enhance himself, and to BECOME the man he wants to be ON HIS OWN… not to ‘fake it til he makes it’. he needs to taste the bitterness of failure.. because that will pass. He will be stronger if he seeks to be stronger. He will be better if he chooses to be better. He will be loved if he chooses to be loved. PERIOD.
I think that both men and women equialy go through the same pains and dissapointments in finding a right partner. I’ve been there. But I would not advise any woman nor a man to seek a revange through hurting someone new who has nothing to do with the one who dissapointed you. Revange, holding a grudge and anger in a long run will corrupt you and cause only more pain in the end. Take a brake from dating, cry, scream, brake…let it out, but do not let it out on another human being. It took me few years to go back dating. I face the same dissapointments, but that is life. I deal with it more patiently now. If you cannot be happy by yourself and let the time heal the wounds, you will miss out finding the right one.
Well said and I agree with Mike James. I just came across this site because of a recent argument with my girlfriend/love. I’ve been known to be the ‘nice-guy’ in HS growing up, while watching a lot of girls get hurt by the so-called ‘jerks’. I do believe women have started to abuse this word and define it as a way to vent or name call their partner. It’s like the tip of the iceberg though, when you really piss them off. Some may use this ‘title’ if their man didn’t obey their direct order or truly hurt their feelings. It’s up to the ‘jerk’ to decide if he understands and agrees with her, into doing what he has to do to fix the problem right away. Sometimes this falls on both sexes though, where the male expresses his feelings of what she’s done, but she is more ‘kindly’ to brush off the problem and serenade you with ‘I love you’ or other quick soft words. In all, I do believe most ‘nice-guys’ strive to become a better man, while the so-called ‘jerks’ are the ones who are tired of the B.S., things not adding up, or not coming to an agreement. True jerks are just careless and not trying to connect or talk about the problems in the relationship. Thanks to google, and letting me vent on here everyone.
Forgot to add, “the reason why the guys never asked you out in the first place, is probably because you were more in control of either what you want or didn’t actually give them the sign. Nice people usually attract nice people, so something doesn’t sound right. It could be, they were true jerks since the start or you were mean towards them…lol Wish everything balanced in this world, but it sometimes feels that evil weighs more into our relationships/surroundings over good these days.”
I seem to notice that many women do not want nice-guy, alpha males, who are confident, and will call them on their bs. ( i.e. the SPIRIT of every woman claims to want )
I don’t think it’s because women “WANT” jerks, but they are even less interested in having their prejudices shattered.
I notice about three types of guys, concerning women:
1) The type who does NOT understand them.
2) The type who does understand them, but uses them.
and
3) The type who understands women, but does not like what they see out of women that is construed as hypocritical behaviors.
I believe that not all men are alike; I also believe that not all women are alike. The difference is women seem to BEHAVE more uniformly than men do.
I have not read through all of the comments, but I have a feeling that anything else that I can say has already been said 5 fold.
Hello again everyone, I read in the bible I read 1 Corinthians 11: 8 and 9 where it says that man is not of woman, but woman is of man; neither was man created for the woman’s sake, but woman made for man. In Genesis 2: 18 it says woman was/is created to be man’s helpmate, not the other way around.
I read those chapters and verses to figure out why so many nice or sensitive guys fail to have a long term relationship or successfully marriage with a heathy and hetersexual good woman. Also, I read various books and online sites about a middle ground man, which the bible also talks about. He is neither a nice guy nor a jerk, but have the attractive traits of both the nice guys and jerks combined or balanced out women love.
Always the same subject and problem, over, and over and over again. Sice the mankind, womankind were born..I personally believe that this f-up society and stereotypes turns us into what we hate, changes us into a society of sluts and players. PROUD ones even!!
It is the same dilemma with nice girls, nice boys, NICE, GOOD in general. If you`re good in this society, you somehow get taken advantage of, people respect you when you have confidence. And how can you have confidence? By being independent, by having a dream, a vocation. I don`t believe 100% matters, I know nice guys, (yes, you read well, NICE guys) who have girlfriends, love them, and it`s ok. It may not be intensity 99% of the time, I don`t know, but they are fine together. It`s really about what you want..it is true, when you set boundaries, become the best of yourself, whatever that is, you won`t need a crowd to adore you, you will simply be happy because you are the best of you. And you, nice so called people, who believe changing yourselfs into ass*oles is an option, I do not judge you.
Go, see how it feels on the other side, maybe it suits you better. Maybe not. Maybe that is what you wanted ALL ALONG, but you needed a heartbreak(or more) to awake that wish inside.
Yes, some people are happyli married all their lives maybe, and some are happy being lone wolfs. It all comes down to what is inside you. Think about this for a moment, before blaming it on the girl who broke your heart(or guy): What did you like about that person?..Did you liked him/her because she was free?..Because she could do whatever she wants, independent maybe? Maybe that is what YOU are missing in yourself. Before turning into a Narcisistic monster and brake two thousand hearts, to “revendge” on that “bitch”, think about it. Maybe confidence and independence is what you liked about her.
Search for answers in yourself, before pointing the finger to the person who broke your heart. I`m no expert, but I know it`s foolish to become something you`re not, to revendge on someone who broke your heart. You don`t revendge on her, you hurt YOU!
And yes, this world mistreats NICE people in general. This is the planet we`re living, and these are the values we have. How, can we have others, when people continue to trade their selfs, for lies. Yes, players get more girls. But you know what? No nice genuine girl stays with that guy, once the mask is off. No one likes to be treated like expendable garbage. If that`s the behaviour you want to adopt, be ready to face the negative effects also.
All in all, I don`t believe anyone is perfect. I personally had a shaky background and home, and for me that was “normal”, I kept looking for people who treated me the same way, because it was familiar. Not everyone has those reasons, but trust me, even “sluts” as you call them, and women who seem strong and detahed, still suffer when their man leaves.
Oh, and for your curiosity, a nice girl wrote this. Peace, and good luck whatever option you choose..player or non-player. There are advantages and disadvantages on both sides :]